Keeping Secrets

When do you hold your tongue and when do you speak out? What if it is so horrible that you are afraid to say something? What if no one believes you? When I was two I was molested by my uncle. I don't remember it. I guess I'm lucky. Before he molested my sister and I, he had molested his own daughters. Before that he had tried to molest/rape my mother. My cousins blamed my mother for not speaking out. The family criticized my aunt for staying married to him. Why are we blaming everyone else for this one man's actions?

When I left home I had a distant relationship with my mother. I joined the army and got married. No one from my family came. I never tried to have an estranged relationship. When I had a child I went home to visit and eventually we moved there. My sister was going through a rough time and I had her over trying to help. Right before we moved away I found out my husband has molested my 12 year old sister. At the time it was unclear who instigated it. Did I want to believe my husband, the man who chose the broken person I knew I was? Was I afraid to leave? I had a baby and nowhere to go. Did I perhaps blame myself for fighting with him before that? Was it my punishment?

I stayed, we moved, and I kept it secret. I told one person in confidence, his stepmother. She did not believe he would do it and she apparently took it to her grave. We had more children and my family was even more alienated. We moved again, close to his best friend. Our families became close and I told his wife. She did not know what to think either, but we agreed that it was inappropriate for their daughter to cuddle with him. We were having marital problems. I often fantasized about stabbing him. His best friend told me I should leave him if I felt that way. One day, their ten year old daughter came to me and said she was not feeling well. I pulled her close and asked what was wrong. She told me that he had made a pass at her. The police said that technically he did not do anything illegal. Part of me thinks he was trying to punish me because he heard the conversation with his friend. It took several years to get myself ready to leave him. In that time I got my drivers licence, found a church, and got a job.

Because of the guilt I did not move home right away. My sister had to convince me. She even gave us a place to stay so I could get on my feet. For the longest time I still did not tell anyone. I felt it was not only my story to tell. My sister likely wont be happy if she reads this. It is not something she likes to be reminded of. My ex will probably say that I am trying to cause problems. Strangers may try to vilify me. There is this fear that if you tell someone people will judge you, that you will be guilty by association. I finally had to accept that his actions were not my fault. I did not drive him to this. I did not condone his actions. I no longer keep his secrets. Still there are those that would say that I am a vindictive ex-wife making up stories. Perhaps that is why the only person in his family I have told was his father. I don't think he believed me. I no longer keep his secret, but I no longer take responsibility for his actions either. It is not my job to protect the world. I only have to protect my family and friends.

Kickstarter Projects for Steampunk Card Games

I recently received the Steampunk goggles and cards project I had backed so I decided to do a post about all my cards so far. They had a selection of goggles that matched the cards and I chose the goggles that matched the Jack of hearts as they reminded me of this curio I made a few years ago. They both have a bee theme. Now I need to make a costume to go with it.

I actually received two deck with this project. I believe the other is probably at AnimeIowa with the kids right now. The deluxe box cover had a train on it and the cards had gold details.

Various backers chose to pay higher levels to get their likeness on the cards. 

 My first deck through kickstarter is a flip deck. When you flip through from the back the gears turn and from the front the numbers tick down on the time machine.

Another favorite deck was the steampunk pirate decks. I am also missing one of these decks. I believe the kids layed them down somewhere. The face cards on these are based on authors and important people. One of my favorites is Edgar Alan Poe. The Steampunk ABC's was from a previous project that I bought as an add-on with the cards.

This deck, designed by Tesh is fun. I have backed a few of his related projects. The face cards are based on inventors like Nicolas Flammel or tinkers like Tomas Edison. I added on the two dealer coins and received two free dragon treasure coins. The free coins are from backing another persons project. It was a dragon card game and the other dragon coin is with that game. I am currently backing another project by Tesh. It is for more coins. The coins will have holes in the center for axles so they can turn as gears. I missed out on the poker chips that matched this set. Saddly I can't back them all.

My first kickstarter project ever was the tinker dice. I recent received these as we are still waiting for production on the gear punk dice. I chose four gearpunk dice; a D4, a D20, a count down D20, and one I cannot remember. I do remember I chose the zinc finish for those. It has been such a long drawn out process that I was starting to get discouraged. It felt like they would never get done. Getting these beautiful dice in the mail helped renew my faith. I'm sure the others will be just as lovely.  

I have backed several other projects that have succeeded. Some even include steampunk themes. Espionage cosmetics came out with geeky nail wraps including steampunk and tentacles. I recommend you check out their website, the wraps are amazing. They have space, comic book themes, and so much more. I also have a geeky sprinkle project I am backing that is in production. Those will include edible sprinkles in fun shapes like gears, tardis, and lightening bolt. I am also backing a card game that is based on steampunk inventions. It is either still funding or recently finished. 

June Ipsy and July Ipsy and Birchbox

I really like July's Birchbox. Lip crayon are my favorite lip product other than a healing lip balm. I had not tried Laqa and Co yet so I was happy to give it a shot. This color was perfect to go with the new dress I bought Alex so she stole it. The Naobay body cream smells like ginger to me. I used the Supergoop eye cream this morning. It absorbs similar to their other products. It is not greasy or overly hydrating, it is just okay. I have received a few products from their line and I do feel good about using them. I played around with one of the nail wraps. The sample only included half of the sizes so I can do my thumbs and my ring fingers. I like the print but have not decided what color to pair them with. I'm thinking maybe a red creme polish. Perhaps I will add a little flower or dots to the accent nails. The small pot is a lemon scented face scrub. I have not tried it yet because I keep forgetting to take it to the bathroom. I also chose two upgrades for this month, but they were shipped separately. I ordered the dry shampoo and the portable charger. The charger is a pretty navy and white pattern. I have it tucked in my purse for emergencies. Perhaps like the night my phone was dead and we had to take a different route home in the middle of the night due to flooding. To top it off the power was out in all the neighboring towns and there were no street lights. We made it home but it pays to have a charge for your phone. 

My July Ipsy bag was okay. I was surprised to find some love for the Bare Minerals 5 in 1 cream eyeshadow. It is a very matte brown cream that stays put once it dries. The color actually has the word wine in it but it is brown. It actually is the same color as my natural eyelids. After testing it on the back of my hand I wondered if it would work on he cholesterol patches on my eyelids. It covers them perfectly without budging. I had to order a full size version of this. Now I have a small one for my purse and a full size for my kit. I can even use it when I am not wearing any other make up. I used the Be fine moisturizer on my face this morning. It works well and like supergoop add a spf protection. I tested the cheek stain on my hand, but have not used it yet. It seems like it will give you a natural rosy glow. The Big look mascara... it is water proof... it also happens to be a thinner formula with a flexible wand. If you are like me that means little black specks all over you. Maybe if I blot it first. Wayne Goss did tell us how important that is, after all. The tanning oil does not interest me, I do find the bag cute though.

 Last months bag was super cute. I guess I never posted it earlier as Maddy had already seen what I had gotten. In it came an eye brow pencil, a NYX butter gloss, Beabombshell mascara, Marc Anthony dream waves beach spray and a Real tree perfume sample. I was happy to have a spare eyebrow pencil and mascara for my purse. The previous travel mascara was dried out so it needed replaced. The butter gloss is a nice neutral shade and looks good on me. It has a sweet scent and is creamy without being too sticky. I was not real crazy about the perfume, but Maddi liked it so I passed it on to her. I have almost used up all of the Beach Spray. It isn't something I use every day, but it is fun to change things up every now and then. My favorite hair product is 12 Benefits, it leaves my hair soft and allows the waves to do their thing.

My June Birchbox picture is on my camera which I have misplaced. My camera also has a couple pictures of my niece and nephew from their visit.

Birchbox has already released spoilers for the August Box. They added more options this month. They had four items to choose from as one of your samples or to choose a separate curated box. I decided to go for the alternative box as it had the Benefit Its Real Push up eye liner. I really want to try it. especially since I have misplaced my black liquid eye liner that I love to wing out. I also chose one of the upgrades and decided to get the necklace. I wont give any more details though as I want to keep it a surprise.

Family Reunion

It had been a long time, 28 yrs, since many of us had seen Philip.When Donna decided to come visit, Joyce talked him into coming as well. The rest just followed after that. I was lucky to leave work early to see everyone.

There are four of us girls and when our parents divorced; our dad remarried and had Philip, our brother. Here is a picture of Becky, Donna, Philip, Joyce, and I. 

I enjoyed getting to know Philip and his family. I remember seeing him when he was two and talking to him on the phone when he was five. I was 13 when he was born and I joined the Army at 19 and lost contact. Although we have been facebook friends we have not really talked other than sending pictures. The other girls have seen or spoken at different times. 

I did not get to spend a lot of time with the kids and get to know them as well. But that is okay, as we have learned sometimes you have to be patient. This is a picture of his family: Philip and his wife Lori, Oldest to youngest- Riley, Jaden, and Aubrea. Lori seems very friendly and sweet. 

It has been a couple years since Charles and I went to see Donna and her family. I was really excited to see her. We get along great which was not always the case when we were young. She is the oldest and two years older than me. I was lucky to have a chance to connect with the kids during our last visit and enjoy seeing them again.

My kids; Alex, Danny, and Charles.

Joyce is four years younger than me. Her and her Husband Justin have helped me out quite a bit. Joyce helped the kids and I get this apartment shortly after I moved back home. She is the planner, coordinator in our family. She also provided the space for the get togethers. You may have noticed her girls Maddi and Kathryn mentioned in some of my previous posts.

The baby, at least of us girls, is Becky. Becky is eight years younger than me. I was her protector and nurturer growing up. While I don't think she has completely grown out of that role we have also helped each other out in the past. She is the one who talked me into moving home and took me in, in return I helped out with the kids, especially Ruben who was born while we lived there. 

This is a picture of everyone, including family from my dad's side: Uncle Tom and Aunt Shirley, Grandma Deloris, cousin Crystal and her husband.

One of all the kids

July Julep and Homegrown Collective Subscription Boxes

I decided to order the It Girl selection from Julep this month. I believe it included the graphite stardust polish, the yellow mustard creme polish, and the pink creme polish. I added on the blue and the red stardust polish. I can't seem to find my nail polish bag at the moment so I'm not sure of the names. 

I probably could have skipped this month, but I do like the graphite glitter, the red glitter and the blue cream polishes. 

The Homegrown collections theme this month was summertime. It included everything to make homemade sunscreen, insect repellent, and after sun lotion bars. As an extra the also sent a large aloe vera leaf. I need to search a good way to use it before it goes bad. The website shows how to freeze it as ice cubes to cool sunburn.

The lotion bars will be one of my first projects. It sounds like something I would use regularly.